i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
