i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
