awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
