Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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