I forgot how hot balto sounded
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want a musical about memes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
