being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
