If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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