Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
