When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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