i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
