Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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