I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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