Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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