Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
