matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
