the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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