Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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