he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
