im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
