Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
