theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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