dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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