Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
People in love make me want to vomit
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Damn victory sex feels great
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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