I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
