You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
