Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
