He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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