So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
