Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
