You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
