WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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