Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You smell like stripper and shame
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
