Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
