Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
