i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
