Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
