Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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