pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
