I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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