I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
