I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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