So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
