A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
