i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
