; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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