right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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