Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
