What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
