ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
