If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
