I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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