oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
