clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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