Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
