i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
