I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
