I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
