Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
