He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
