i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
