dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
