she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
